Lest I Ever Forget
by A Girl Named Truth
Summary: When Vince does something that shatters his mind, Howard tries to pick up the pieces but just how dangerous is it to try and play with the shards that are left behind. Rated M for general dark/angsty themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings:** Swearing, angst, drugs refs, vauge attempted rape refs, slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Baby La Boosh belongs to it's parents Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.  
**Author's Comments:** Loosely based on The Notebook. Song lyrics belong to Kate Nash and Sarah McLachlen.

* * *

Howard sat on his usual chair, a chair that had been there six months and a long six months at that. Every day the same even though Naboo had offered to take over every so often. Howard would never let anyone else replace him in his duty. His fingers brushed over the spine of a book, it's pages thick where random but important objects had either been glued or sellotaped onto them. A book he knew off by heart but never dared to try and recall it's tales without it being in his hands in case he didn't get it perfect. It had to be perfect and it had to be word for word how he'd written it.

He watched arms bound by blankets twitch in the sleeping form's dream. He watched eyelashes flutter without the eyelids that controlled them open. He watched the brow that he'd seen wrinkle in confusion at long words crease into delicate lines with an unreal worry that his subconscious was projecting to him. He watched and saw the last few moments of the real Vince play out before those beautiful blue eyes would open and start asking questions that Howard would find painful to even hear let alone answer and explain.

-x-

_8 Months Previously_

It wasn't the fact he was out again with his friends. It wasn't the fact he'd forgotten his keys again. It wasn't even that Howard had to carry him up the stairs like a drunken teenager and then have him throw up on him. Those things just came with loving a socialite that was too kind to say no to anybody or anything, hopefully with in reason. It was the fact that he didn't say a word or even look Howard in the eye that had worried Howard. Well, terrified him. It used to be a common practice for Vince to ignore questions and half pretend that he was alone after a drunken night out. It used to mean that he'd done something that Howard wouldn't approve of, something that he'd be better off not knowing. But that look hadn't come out in the last year. Not since a few impulsive actions that had made both their feelings clear. Now Howard knew to trust that Vince could handle his party king persona as well as the real him that would lie in watching old musicals and eating jam out of the jar. The other half of the bargain had been that Vince would draw more lines, not do the things that brought the guilty looks to his face when asked how his night went. It had worked for a year but Howard could tell something had gone disastrously wrong in their deal. Vince had done something to cross that line and Howard could tell.

He watched Vince sit down and put his head in his hands, a classic sign of nerves and shame, as he poured him a glass of water with a few aspirin to accompany it. Howard knew if he asked the one word reply would be hangover. Howard knew better than to ask and be lied to. Vince wouldn't tell him if he pushed. Whatever it was he had to come to terms with it in his own head before it would come out of his mouth. So Howard simply placed the glass and painkillers in front of Vince, sat down next to him and waited.

It was a good five minutes before either the painkillers or the rest of the world were acknowledged. Vince's eyes were red, chances were he'd been silently crying while he'd pressed his palms into his hidden eyes, then again it could just have been the pressure of leaning the weight of his head on one spot for five minutes. The glass left the table and the painkillers were chucked down his neck before Howard had noticed he's moved. Once the glass was settled down on the table once more, Vince drew his knees up to his chest and laid his head onto them instead, face still expertly hidden from Howard.

"I've fucked up Howard" Vince's word came out muffled from where he was still hiding his face. Howard knew better than to ask what he'd fucked up and how. He just waited silently, not even daring to move but praying it wasn't their relationship that he'd fucked up.

-x-

Howard nearly jumped when the face he had been staring at came suddenly to life, blue eyes sparkling and mouth open in a silent gasp. He coughed a bit, he'd taken to doing that every morning, before finding his voice.

"Where the fuck am I?" Vince sat up abruptly and tried to escape the covers. He didn't yell or scream, just quietly panicked.

"You're in your room, no need to worry" Howard put on his best soothing voice.

"Who the hell are you!" His breathing was increasing, soon he'd start calling for help.

"You're safe, you don't have to worry about me, I'm here to look after you"

"I don't need no looking after!" Vince turned to Howard. "What have you done to me!"

"Nothing. I won't have to unless you stop panicking" Howard cursed himself for how much like a threat that sounded, he didn't blame Vince for the look of fear that passed through his eyes. "You're ill, just calm down and you'll be fine"

"I don't feel ill, I feel fine" Luckily he complied and led down like he was told, he didn't always do that. "What's wrong with me exactly?"

"You don't need to worry about that, just trust me" Howard leant over to a draw next to the bed and withdrew a syringe.

"Why should I trust you?"

"Who else have you got?" Howard watched the look of determination to answer back fade into the look of a lost child searching for something it couldn't grasp. Then he noticed the needle. "You ain't putting that in me!" He started to sit up again.

"I'm not, watch..." Howard came to a stop by a drip that was a foot or so away from the bed and injected the contents of the needle into it.

"Hey, that's still going into me I take it" He found the other end of the drip taped to his hand and waved it at Howard as if to illustrate his point. "You coulda asked!"

"It's just to stop you panicking, it ain't even a sedative, it's…" He nearly said magic out of habit. "…herbal. Just like putting lavender in your bath"

"Still" Vince pouted, a gesture so well practiced from years of using it to get what he wanted, his face remembered it even if his mind didn't. "You got a name then?"

"Nope. I'll be gone by tomorrow, no need to confuse you."

"Fine, I won't tell you mine then"

"Don't then"

"I won't…wait"

"What?"

"Nothing" His eyes had widened. Howard knew that he was trying to remember what his name was and failed. Every morning he'd deny it and that small shake of his head would tear at another piece of Howard's heart. "What are you here for then?"

"I'm gonna read to you" Howard held up the notebook he'd left in his empty seat and showed it to Vince before sitting back down.

"Surely you have better things to do with your life."

"You'd think so" There was so much more Howard would have killed to say but he left it at that. The vibe must have passed to Vince because he dropped it as well.

"Can I sit up now seeing as I ain't planning to do a runner?" Suspicion must have crossed Howard face because Vince put on his best innocent face "Promise".

"Alright but no funny business or we'll have to get out the restraints out"

"What kind of establishment is this?" Vince laughed and Howard saw a shadow of his old Vince that made his throat tighten as he laughed along. "What's your story about then?" Vince sat up and drew his knees up, still under the sheets and rested his head on them, looking sideways to where Howard was sat.

"The usual, friendship, drama, conflict, love, tragedy. My life story really."

"Hmmm, sounds like good ol' Romeo and Juliet to me"

"Sort of, more like Romeo and Romeo though" Howard watched Vince's eyes widen before he caught himself. "Does that bother you?"

Vince frowned and shook his head. "No…just didn't expect it. You never struck me as someone who'd bend that way" Howard smiled at his choice of words.

"Neither did I until I met him. Even then he was the one that made me realise." Howard knew his eyes were staring off into the distance, giving the impression that he was imagining the man he loved so much but in truth he was avoiding looking at said man.

"Are you still with him? Or is that what the tragedy part is?" Vince's hand moved out from under the sheet where he'd been holding his legs and moved a small way towards where Howard was sat before he quickly changed his mind and put it back in it's original place. If he'd not been looking out of the corner of his eye Howard wouldn't have noticed it move at all.

"Sort of"

"Which one? He looked puzzled as Howard finally returned his full vision to him.

"Both" Howard watched the confusion deepen before Vince shook his head slightly as if to get rid of whatever he was thinking.

"Come on then, the curiosity is killing me" Vince smiled encouragingly.

Howard flipped open the book, pointedly ignoring the first few pages.

"Once upon a time there had been two best friends, a corny start but a true one. They'd been together so long they could barely remember ever being apart. At school they were infamous for being inseparable, you'd never see one without the other. If one was ill then the other would bunk off. They'd tell each other everything, from their most shocking secrets, their deepest worries to what they had for breakfast that morning. Weekends would be spent in woods pretending they were forests or in zoos wishing they could touch the animals. Their teenage years would be spent watching films late into the night while their parents were out, more bunking off school than attending and one developed an obsession with girls. He'd always make sure that it never endangered their friendship and most relationships ended before the month was out because the girl would complain that he spent too much time with his best friend. He also gathered more friends, to the point of popularity but he had a similar problem with them. Nobody could hold his attention like his best friend. They'd never get bored of each others presence and the only time they'd fight is over whose house they'd hang out that day or what music they played. It surprised everyone how different they were and yet how alike. One liked old music, the other loved the cutting edge of what was cool. They left school and stayed together, they got their dream job on the other side of the zoo bars. Nothing and everything changed for them, Vince Noir and Howard Moon., together always.

Suddenly the world was full of adventures, real ones not the ones they'd made up a children. So many adventures that I don't have the time to barely cover a few of them. Life or death situations were what changed things. They realised how much they couldn't bear it if one of them were to die, they realised how attached to each other they were and in many different ways. It was after Howard died temporality that both he and Vince began to acknowledge their feelings. They promised themselves that if either of them got into that situation again they'd let the other know who they felt. Unfortunately neither of them had planned on the other feeling the same way so that when the time came and it was a complete mess.

Vince said that if he had the opportunity to go back in time he'd say something better, more romantic than laughing at the irony of Howard stealing his plan before hastily admitting he loved him back.

If he had the chance he'd have liked to say this:

_All the stars up in the sky  
And the leaves in the trees  
All the broken bits that make you jump up  
And grassy bits in between  
All the matter in the world is how much I like you_

But that wasn't what he said, he let surprise get the better of him and Howard refused to believe him. Both took it as a kind rejection and for some reason they felt safer thinking that nothing was ever going to happen, that they would still be best friends no matter what. There would be the little looks and gestures that made them wonder but they were always pushed away, ignored. They kept at this for nearly three years, the bad side effects of all the repression was more stupid fights, more serious teasing and more retreating into their own separate and different lives…"

"That's stupid!"

"What?" Howard was dragged from his thoughts, back into the room, the present.

"Them! With all the repression and denial and letting it go. How stupid is that? I mean if they've been friends for years through everything then why can't they just believe each other and trust that it won't all go to shit?"

"I'm glad you think so. I agree…well I do now. It was stupid. If I could go back in time I wouldn't worry about fancy song lyrics, I'd just make sure I told him as soon as possible." Howard watched Vince, he seemed to be in deep thought as if thinking about what he'd do in that position. Howard decided to give him a little nudge. "What would you have done?" The look of thought deepened.

"If I couldn't convince him with words then I'd keep with the looks and stuff like little touches. Find excuses to make him see how good we'd be together. Find any possible situation where I could show him how I felt or short of that just force myself on him in a plausible situation so that if it all went wrong I could explain it away" He nodded, as if approving of someone else's plan.

"Well, funny you say that…" An alarm by the bed bleeped at them, interrupting Howard.

"What's that?" Some of the panic returned to Vince's voice but this time he looked to Howard for reassurance. A good sign this early in the morning.

"Breakfast time, I have to go and make it. You relax I'll be back in 10 minutes or so"

Vince didn't look convinced but he led back down and said ok none the less. Howard watched him until he closed the door.

-x-

_8 Months Previously_

"Fuck Howard, I don't even know what happened. I was being offered shit that I know not to take. I didn't accept any of the really bad stuff but instead these women just keep buying me drinks and I couldn't say no to everything so I picked the lesser evils to a point where I didn't have a clue what was going on. That's not a common thing with me, no matter what people say, you know I don't drink so much that I'm out of control. That's what happened, my control slipped and I started missing out bits, blacking out for minutes at a time. So one minute I'm with the group and then next thing I know I've been dragged off into a bathroom and locked in a toilet by one of the really dodgy girls and she's saying I've been taking all her junk and that I owe her money. I was so out of it that I didn't know what I'd done so I just went with it and gave here what I had in my jacket and tried to get out of there. Part of me knew she was lying because there was no high, nothing, just the alcohol and fear, it was worth all my money just to get away from her. But she said it wasn't enough, she pinned me against the door and said I could pay her in other ways. I told her no way, I was with somebody but she didn't care. I even told her I weren't even into girls anymore and she actually said she didn't give a fuck. She kept forcing herself on me and I thought if I kissed her she might let me go but she didn't and she tried to do other stuff and I let her because it was easier to let her do stuff to me than to wait for her to make me do anything to her. But it wasn't enough and she said she wanted it all and I told her no and she slapped me. Then that made whatever part of my brain that was still capable of thinking remember that she was just a woman, smaller and weaker than I am, so I pushed her. I pushed her Howard and s-she fell and the was blood and she'd hit the china of the toilet and so much blood and I ran. I don't know if she got up or if someone found her or if it doesn't matter either way cuz I ki…cause she won't be waking up. There's a chance that she's not going to be alright and my first thought was good, she deserved it. How bad a person am I? She could be dead and all I could think was thank god she was off me"

Tears were streaked down his face, clear through the stains of smudged eyeliner, when he finally raised his face. Howard couldn't say anything because he was thinking the same thing. Good, as long as she was off his Vince then it was just dandy.

"You think I'm a monster" Vince took the silence as condemnation, Howard had left it too long to gather any reasonable words.

"No, I just…"

"Don't, I understand. I'm disgusted at myself, god knows you have a right to be." Vince jumped up and practically ran to their shared room, slamming the door and turning the lock that Naboo had insisted they install.

Nothing Howard said could stop the sounds of crying coming from behind the door or make Vince open it. He tried all night until he was sure Vince had fallen asleep. The next morning he came out of the room, still in the clothes from the day before and most of the make up. He barely talked all day and refused to make eye contact with anyone.

_I never thought I could feel so low  
Oh darkness I feel like letting go_

Howard knew his Vince was well and truly broken, partly because of him.

_If all of the strength  
And all of the courage  
Come and lift me from this place  
I know I could love you much better than this_

_

* * *

_Reviews are love, V xxxx


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning:** Angst(!), Sex refs, a single swear word (gotta be a record)  
**Disclaimer:** Baby La Boosh belongs to it's parents Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.  
**Author's Comments:** Loosely based on The Notebook.

* * *

"What you putting on his toast today?" Naboo's lispy voice breathed through Howard's unfocused mind. He had to stop his mind wandering, his concentration span was getting as bad as Vince's used to be.

"Nutella, why?" Howard watched the shaman scribble something down on a pad.

"Shopping list, seeing what he'll still eat, what's worth getting'" he folded the pad back up, slipped it into a pocket of his robe and turned back towards his bedroom.

"Don't ask what I want then!" Howard called after him.

"You barely eat any more, a couple of slices of bread will get you through the day. I ain't buying food so that you can be a ball bag and watch it dissolve away with age"

Howard didn't answer, instead he put extra focus into buttering toast until Naboo had disappeared. Even though everyone, especially Naboo and Bollo, were used to the extra attention that Vince got from him, he didn't feel comfortable with them noticing just how much he was affected. He'd made it clear that he blamed himself for everything that had happened and couldn't take the sympathy that they kept trying to dish out to him. So he concentrated on dishing out Vince's breakfast and hoped to be left to it.

-x-

_7 Months, 2 Weeks Previously_

Howard balanced a glass of cherryade onto the already loaded breakfast tray he was carrying. Vince was starting to get back to his usual sunshiny self but Howard couldn't help but feel like he should take care of him still. The whole club incident had knocked something deep in Vince's foundations, he'd realised the world wasn't the safe, multicoloured dream that it had been for him before. A touch of that sweet naiveté had been lost. As much as that saddened Howard, he couldn't help but be just a little bit glad that it reduced the chances of anything like that happening again.

He balanced the tray on one hand, picked up the days newspaper and tucked it under his arm. He liked to read the paper while Vince characterized his toast soldiers and sent them into battle, doused in jam-blood. He said it was so he stayed sane but truly it was to hide the sappy grin that came over face while he listened. The paper could have been upside down and he wouldn't have noticed.

Howard opened the door slowly and quietly, just in case Vince was still asleep, but he was greeted with that high pitched yip that only girls, guilty people and a startled Vince could pull off. Seeing as Vince was sat up in bed, shielding his eyes, he went for option three.

"I shan't even ask" Howard doubted that Vince could see the wiggle of his eyebrows or the glint in his eyes as he was too busy covering his own but he tried nonetheless.

"Wha?" Vince's forehead wrinkled slightly and he took his hand down, still squinting in the sudden light, while his mind caught up. "Oh right, nah you just surprised me that's all. Sorry to disappoint and all but I've only been awake about 45 seconds and that's not long enough for me to start thinking about sex." A devilish look crept into his eyes. "Unlike you, ya dirty northerner"

"I'll have you know I've been up for the last hour" Howard nodded down at the tray he was holding not thinking what else it could look like.

"Is that right?" Vince's tongue played along the corner of his mouth, a tell tale sign that had taken Howard years to work out, it meant his thoughts were far from wholesome.

"I meant your breakfast, you slut" Howard pointedly ignored Vince's tongue complete it's journey around his lips accompanied by widened eyes in fake innocence and finished in a flash of smile. He ignored it because he wasn't sure the breakfast tray would survive the next few moments if he didn't.

"Give it to me then"

"What about your breakfast? It'll get cold…" Vince's laughter interrupted him and Howard worked out that he'd meant the breakfast. That would have been the logical conclusion to jump to after all.

"Who's the slut now eh?" Vince crossed his legs so that Howard could lay the tray on them.

"You. You know exactly what you're doing and you're doing it on purpose"

"Not my fault you're as easily flustered as a teenage girl. Go read your paper so I can eat my brekkie without being jumped. I'd hate to get jam on the sheets, Naboo still don't believe me about those Nutella stains."

"That's because you walked out of the bedroom with Nutella round your mouth at 2 in the morning to put the empty jar in the bin…naked!"

"How was I to know that he was watching telly at that time of the night"

"Because ten minutes before hand you were humming along to the Peacock Dreams theme tune. Just admit you're a tart"

"Admit you love it" Each word was punctuated by Vince licking jam off each one of his fingers.

"Tart."

"Knew it"

Howard graced Vince with one last mock glare before sitting down and opening his paper. Vince was actually focusing on eating his food instead of playing with it so he might actually absorb some news this morning. He folded the paper in half and focused on a write-up for a local jazz club, considering how much persuasion it'd take to get Vince to take him there. He heard Vince's knife clatter against the plate and didn't pay much attention to it, it wasn't a rare occurrence for Vince to be a bit clumsy. It wasn't until Vince had been silent for a good few minutes that Howard looked up. He was met by a pair of wide shining eyes and a horrified look.

"Shit, Howard" He bit his lip to stop it wobbling.

"What?" Howard glanced behind him, half expecting a monster to be leaning out of the wall. It had to be something pretty damn scary to cause that look of fear. Vince didn't reply, instead he snatched the paper from Howard's hands and flipped it over, dropping it down in his own lap, not caring that it meant the paper ended up covered in his breakfast or vice-versa. He cleared his throat and began to read the headline and the article out.

"_Girl found viciously attacked wakes from life threatening coma - Chastity_ (yeah fucking right) _Drake, found two weeks ago with a cracked skull and several shattered ribs, finally woke from her coma yesterday night and is able to give a statement on her ordeal. She confirms that she was attacked in the bathroom of a well known Camden club, details on which club have not been released for legal reasons,_ (more like cuz it's reputation)_ after refusing drugs and trying to fight off rape attempts. Chastity has given the police a detailed description of her attacker and presumes that because he left her with all her money_ (**my** money) _that the attack was purely malevolent and she fears for her future safety. Friends of the attacked describe her as "a loving, caring woman who wouldn't hurt a fly, anyone that could even think of committing such a b...brutal act doesn't deserve to be treated as anything less than a m…m…monster_"

Vince's voice had started cracking pretty early on in the article, despite the bitter tone he was reading it in, but he'd held back the tears until the end. Howard took the paper then the tray away from him and sat on the side of the bed, letting Vince's head fall into his shoulder and the rest of him curl into his side. The only thing he could do to comfort him was to stroke his hair and let him get it out of his system.

"It's all shit, she's just making it up to put her in a victim light…it might not even be the same girl" Howard whispered soothingly.

"Of course it is. What if she was the victim, what if I was too drunk and didn't understand her right" Vince buried himself deeper into Howard's neck as if he could escape somehow through his skin.

"How could anyone misunderstand someone forcing themselves onto them, she's lying Vince. She's playing on the fact that it's always women that end up in these situations not men."

"But I pushed her, I knew I was stronger than her but I did it anyway. I'm guilty, Howard, it's my fault, I'm a monster, just like they said, anyone who could do something like that is a monster. How can you bare to touch me, knowing what I've done?"

"Because I would have done the same! If I'd been there I would have dragged her off you by any means necessary"

"That doesn't make me right…that just makes you as much as a monster as me" There was a second's silence before Howard tensed against Vince and Vince realised what he said. He put his hand to his mouth and gasped, as if he could draw the words back in with his breath. "I didn't mean that. Sorry, I swear I didn't mean that. I wasn't thinking, it's not your fault, I'm sorry" He started hyperventilating because he was trying to talk to fast while crying and forgot that breathing was just as essential as apologizing. Howard stayed silent against him, he hadn't gotten up and walked out but he had stopped stroking his hair which was just as bad. "I really didn't Howard, I was thinking about myself and being selfish not thinking about what I was saying, oh god say something…even if it's bad, just talk…please Howard"

"I'm not mad. I know you're not a monster. Just like you know I'm not. All the evil things that have tried to kill us for no reason over the years, they were monsters. You'll never be like that."

"Then why do I feel so guilty, why do I want, more than anything, to go back in time and tell myself not to do it? If I haven't done anything wrong I should be happy or something like that."

"No Vince, that's the very reason you aren't a monster. Even though she was the one in the wrong you still feel responsible. That makes you a good person"

"Then why did you tense up?" Vince looked up at him as best he could in such close proximity.

"Because I thought you'd stop loving me unless I told you I thought you were a monster, and I can't think that, so I was scared I was losing you. Pathetic I know but I panicked. I'm sorry for worrying you"

Vince laughed slightly, not a happy laugh but one tainted with sadness and bitterness.

"Sorry for worrying you more. You won't lose me though, not through my choice anyways. If they lock me up and you don't want me anymore then I won't cling to you but I won't leave you while there's still hope."

This time it was a Howard whose eyes widened.

"What do you mean lock you up?"

"Well, this kind of thing tends to get people sent to jail. They ain't gonna fall for batted eyelids when they have a woman in a hospital bed, I wouldn't."

"They don't have to find out Vince, just pretend it never happened."

"I can't Howard, it's already eating me up"

"Vince…."

"I have to. Sooner or later they'll find out, they'll DNA her or find CCTV or someone would have seen. I can't live with both the worry of getting caught and the guilt for doing it in the first place. My brain ain't big enough." He gave a watery smile to accompany the joke at the end but it didn't even begin to reach his eyes.

All Howard could do was watch while he got dressed and try to think up a better argument than just 'please don't leave me'.

When Vince was ready he stood up, following him to the living room.

"Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?"

"Become a doctor and tell me she is perfectly fine" He gave another empty smile.

"I'll go get a PhD then" This time it was Howard who gave the empty smile.

"I'll be back before you know it, Howard" He put on his silver jacket, the only one that constantly lived by the stairs.

"Don't waste your only phone call on me, call the bloke that got me out of the binoculars incident, he's good."

"Why would I call you, soppy git…I love you" A single tear slid down his cheek "Just in case I can't say that again for a while. I really, really love you."

Howard reached a hand out and wiped the tear away before cradling his cheek. "Not as much as I love you". He kissed him gently, willing away the burning in his eyes, he had to be strong for both of them.

Vince pulled back first and led his head on Howard's chest, letting him hold him for a minute before he handed himself over to his fate, whatever that might be.

"I'd better go" Vince stood up straight, taking his hands off Howard's back and returned them to his own elbows. He looked so young and lost, it physically hurt Howard's heart to see him like this.

"Let me come with you?" He asked, knowing the answer anyway.

"They'll only make you come back home. Besides I can't do all this twice, once is bad enough" He took in a deep breath, gathering his strength. "Bye Howard"

"Bye" Howard watched him all the way down the stairs before he let himself sink to his knees on the floor. He let himself cry the tears that had been fighting for freedom since the prospect of losing Vince, in any way, had become a possibility.

-x-

_I won't leave you while there's still hope._

A tear slid down Howard cheek, it was one of his worst memories but one that came to him almost every breakfast. He'd let Vince leave and so he'd have to relive it every morning, he'd have to put up with the fact he'd let Vince ruin what little piece of mind that had still been stable, the memories were his punishment.

The worst bit wasn't even him leaving, it was the few minutes where everything had been normal, it had been perfect and then it shattered. There had been a tiny bit of hope that Vince would be himself again before that page of newspaper had driven that away.

That's what he hated remembering.

That's what he pushed from his mind while he took a deep breath and lifted up this morning's breakfast tray.

That's what he had to force himself not to fiercely wish for as he opened the door to Vince's room.

But it's also the bit that makes him grateful that he still has the shadow of his Vince, because he's lucky to have anything at all.

It also made him grateful Naboo didn't hang around in the kitchen for longer than needed.

* * *

Reviews are love, V xxxx


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning:** Angst(!), Sex refs, 2 swear words.  
**Disclaimer:** Baby La Boosh belongs to it's parents Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.  
**Author's Comments:** Loosely based on The Notebook. Lyrics belong to Eminem.

* * *

"You took your time" Vince called as the door began to open.

"Oi you, make it yourself then" Howard put on his best fake smile, even in the mirror he wouldn't have known that he'd been on the brink of tears minutes earlier.

"Just might…nah I'm joking, looks great" Vince held out his hands to receive his breakfast and started at the Nutella covered toast.

"Eager to please" Howard sat down.

"You gonna read me the rest of that story then?" Vince mumbled, mouth full of toast.

"Not yet, you've gotta check in at the Shaman Headquarters with Naboo…don't look so worried, he'll take just as good care as you as I'm doing."

"What's a shaman do?" Vince swallowed his toast but not his look of fear.

"They're sort of like a council, only more powerful. They just need to check your…progress., make sure we're looking after you"

"I don't want to" Vince didn't pout but everything else about him screamed disobedient child.

"You have too"

"I ain't gotta do nothing"

"Why not? Would you rather be stuck in bed all day?"

"I'd rather be with you"

"I can't come, I'm not allowed"

"Then I'll be staying here, thank you very much" Vince crossed his arms.

"Why? What's so great about me?"

"I…nothing, I guess. I don't know, it's stupid"

"Try me?"

"You make me feel safe."

"That's not stupid"

"It is because you also make me feel nervous, my stomach goes all tight and I want to smile just because you're here. I've only known you an hour but I feel like I've known you all my life, or at least that I should know you for the rest of my life. You're like a magnet…it doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense."

"Which is why it's a good idea to go to the meeting, it'll help clear your head"

"You'll be here when I get back?"

"Where else would I go?"

"Just promise me"

"Yeah, I'll put on some jazz and read a book, happy?"

"Ergghhh, what do you want to listen to jazz for?…What are you smiling at?"

"Nothing, you just reminded me of someone, that's all"

"Was it your Vince?"

"…maybe"

"I'll take it as a compliment then, he sounded genius"

"You'd have loved him"

"Probably not as much as you do"

"That would be disturbing"

"Huh?"

"Nothing, go get dressed, your clothes are in there…don't get too carried away" Howard got up to leave the room and could hear Vince get out of bed and walk to the wardrobe. He was almost out of the room when Vince's gasp met his ears.

"Fucking hell! Who needs all that?"

Howard didn't turn around but he let himself laugh as he closed the door.

-x-

_7 Months, 1 ½ Weeks Later_

2 days...well 57 hours and 13 minutes. Each second agony of not knowing for Howard. He wished he hadn't told Vince not to call him instead of a lawyer. Selfish but true.

The logical part of his brain knew that they could only keep him for 72 hours without pressing charges. Then if they did press charges he's be able to apply for bail almost instantly. He hadn't murdered anyone and he wasn't a 'danger to society', not in any sane person's eyes anyway.

The not-so-logical part of his brain was screaming 'he's never coming back'. That part of him had to be restrained in his mind so that it didn't make his body get up and run for the door.

His head hurt from crying and lack of sleep, he didn't want Vince to come home in the middle of the night and face a dark flat. His wrist hurt from Chinese burns because he should have stepped him leaving in the first place, and his stomach hurt from both apprehension and lack of food.

He jumped every time the door went to the extent Naboo had started calling the flat five minutes before he got home. That just made Howard jump every time the phone rang.

He'd taken to sitting by the window or up on the roof at night, as it was warm enough. Bizarrely he felt closest to Vince when he was sat on the roof. Not because that was setting of the tipping point in their change from friendship to relationship. It was more the fact it reminded him of how he felt around Vince - peaceful, free and on top of the world but still with the fear and danger that if you made a wrong move you might end up falling back to earth with a hell of a bump.

Tonight though he sat of the sofa, staring at the wall. He couldn't bare watching people walk down the street that_ could_ have been Vince but weren't. It was making time go slower. He couldn't go back to normal, by far, but he had to stop window watching or he'd go insane. He'd nearly drifted off when he heard the door go, lack of sleep will do that to you, creep up when you weren't expecting it. He managed to mumble something to himself about Naboo not having called before he worked out what the clicking sound was. It wasn't the sound of Naboo's trainers but the sound of heels on wood. The only person who came through that door in high heels was…

"VINCE!" Howard ran to the banister, he'd have thrown himself over it if it got him to Vince sooner. Not that a trip down to A and E would be a good welcome back.

Vince's face turned upwards to look at Howard, who was practically half over the banister. He looked just as tired as Howard did, all the colour was gone from his face, leaving him looking pale and gaunt and there were bags under his eyes.

"Alright?" He asked in his near enough usual upbeat way and he even started to take the stairs two at a time even though he didn't really have the energy for it. As soon as he got to the top he flung himself into Howard's arms.

"Don't worry about me, what about you?" Howard's hands automatically started stroking his hair and his back in perfectly simulations strokes.

"Well, she'd spun them a pretty convincing story, painting me as some druggie that was really strong and scary. When I told them why I was there, they took one look at me and laughed. When I finally got to talk to someone who'd listen to me, they got me to tell them the details to make sure I wasn't taking credit or something…why someone would do that is beyond me but there you go. He was a real nice bloke, told me all me rights and stuff, made sure I got a lawyer and said he'd be in charge of me. I guess that's his job but he didn't _have_ to be so nice to me but that made all the horrible stuff seem all right. First they made me do the mirror thing, y'know you stand in front of a mirror but the people on the other side can see ya and she was on the other side and confirmed I was me. Arthur, that's the nice guy, said she'd pretty much screwed herself then because I obviously wasn't a big scary rapist like she said I was. They checked my arms for needle marks and I was clean, I told them I'd never do shit like that, and that was another shot in the foot for her cause she'd been caught with a bunch of needles on her that she'd said were mine. Then they did a standard drugs test, I came back clean but they said after two weeks they weren't expecting anything to show up then they did another test, one that I ain't too keen to talk about to be honest, to check I hadn't raped her. Came back clean for that, that cleared me of most of the charges cause she'd lied about that so they can bet she lied about the drugs. Also hospital had done tests on her while she was comato…in a coma and that proved that she'd been done by someone but that someone weren't me, so that was evidence in my favour, apparently. Then they got me to do a statement thingy and I admitted to what I had done and under the circumstances Arthur said it was self defence and I was the one that could press charges if I wanna. Can I have a drink, I've been talking so much the last two days that I'm getting a sore throat"

"Fucking hell" That was about all Howard could manage, he'd expected tears or anger but Vince was talking all matter-of-fact like he was catching Howard up on a bit of a movie he'd missed while going to the bathroom.

"What?" Vince looked up at him, his eyes wide and clear, almost smiling, but still unnaturally wide eyes, as if some part of his brain was yelling 'I'm coping, don't spoil it for me'. Howard took a deep breath and the easy way out.

"Wasn't aware you had a limit to the amount you talk"

Vince laughed and wrapped his arms even tighter around him, tilting his head up so that he could kiss him at the same time. Howard could get away with jokes like that now that they were lovers, one of the many benefits that their friendship did not carry. There was a second where both of them just relaxed into each other before the thought that they hadn't seen each other in over two days struck them both at the same time. Both put more force into the kiss, Howard's arms reaching round Vince's neck, curling into his hair, while Vince's hands clung to the material of the back of Howard's shirt. They kissed like they were each others oxygen and they were drowning. Then they needed real oxygen and had to break apart. Vince caught his breath first.

"I've missed you"

"I gathered"

"Really really missed you" Vince bit his bottom lip, one of his little ways of making what was going through his mind clear to anyone that couldn't hear his thoughts. Howard was taken aback, a lustful Vince was the last thing he expected to come through their door after so much emotional wreckage.

"You can't be serious…you look half dead"

"Oh cheers"

"No, I mean you're exhausted, I can see it"

"I don't care, I'll sleep in tomorrow, make up for it" Vince pouted and put one hand on his hip, Howard half expected him to stamp his foot or throw himself on the floor.

"Think about it…really think. You can sleep now and we'll make up for lost time tomorrow. Do you reckon you'll even be able to stay awake now" Howard watched the cogs in Vince's mind work, battling each other for what they wanted or what was good for them. A resigned look took over his face and Howard knew that his sensibility had won out.

"You're right, I ain't had no sleep and I probably should get some. Crikey, Vince Noir too tired for sex, I must be getting old!"

"Hey, you can't say that or somewhere an electro-fairy will die"

Vince smiled up at him and took his hand.

"Come on, we're going to bed…to sleep, I promise" The last bit was added because of Howard's sceptical look.

Vince lead the way to their bedroom, the one room in the house that hadn't been used since Vince had left. He kicked off his boots and jeans and got into bed waiting for Howard to put his pyjamas on, they'd always slept like that since back when they're first shared a bed, well bit of floor, at the zoo.

As soon as Howard got into bed Vince curled himself around him, head on his chest and one leg over his. He barely managed to mumble "I love you" before he was fast asleep. Howard didn't sleep for another hour, he just watched Vince sleep and thanked his lucky stars that he had the man he loved clinging to him like some small monkey and not in some jail cell somewhere. Or worse, back at home and still hating himself and not letting anyone come near him, let alone comfort him. That would have broken Howard's heart. But Vince was there, sleeping, perfectly happy and that made Howard's heart ache with the sheer intensity that he loved the little man at his side.

-x-

They'd only been gone three hours, a short amount for the weekly check up and Howard knew then to be worried. When Naboo and Bollo carried an unconscious Vince up the stairs he knew to be really worried. Naboo must have seen the look on Howard's face because he started shaking his head, eyes wide as if to say 'it's not what it looks like'.

"He's fine, just needed sedating that's all"

"Sedating! What the hell did they do to him?!" Howard walked over to them and took Vince out of their arms. He noticed that Vince wasn't actually unconscious, just very, very drowsy. He had to half lean him against the back of the sofa for him to be able to stand.

"They didn't do anything, he just flipped out. He wouldn't let them do any of their tests. He kept saying he didn't trust them, he only trusted you. If anything it's your fault you batty crease, what have you been telling him"

"Nothing, only the stuff in the book and I'm allowed to say all that because he told me to!"

"Well, they had to sedate him so they could take the tests and then they said he don't have to go anymore"

"Good!…..Wait, why doesn't he need to go anymore?"

"No point, the board don't know anything more than we do now, nobody's ever…" Naboo stopped speaking abruptly as if he'd had the voice taken out of him.

"Nobody's ever what?"

"Nothing" Naboo looked down at his feet as if willing a hole to swallow him, hell, he could have probably magic-ed one if he focused hard enough. Howard wasn't gonna give him the chance to though. There was no way he'd let them hold back information about Vince.

"Nobody's ever WHAT?"

Naboo's eye's widened, he'd never seen Howard get so angry so quickly and even with the magical powers he possessed, he was a bit frightened.

"Nobody's ever lasted this long before, happy now?"

"No" Howard's voice came out so gently, you'd have never thought he'd just been shouting at the top of his lungs. "It's Vince, he'll always keep fighting…Vince'll never give up" Tears had sprung to his eyes and that sparked up the anger again. "So don't you even fucking think about giving up on him. It's because of you and me this happened and I ain't ever going to give up on him and neither are you!"

Howard picked Vince up in his arms, leaving Naboo stood there speechless and carried him to his room, the one they used to share before this but now it was just his, Howard slept on the sofa because he couldn't bear to sleep in the same room as him but be apart from him.

Vince was mumbling now, the shouting had brought some life back to his eyes. The only words he could catch were Howard and love. All he could do was 'shhh' him and tell him everything was alright. He couldn't bear the fact that Vince remembered when he was out of it because there was nothing Howard could do or say to make him understand what was going on. The only reason he remembered at all was because he wasn't thinking about it, trying to understand it. When he did that it would all be blown away again.

He set Vince down on the bed and pulled the covers over him, not bothering to undress him because he hated doing that now that the flesh underneath was no longer his to touch. Naboo would come in and do all the things that he couldn't while Howard slept. It was still daylight though and Howard wasn't going to sleep any time soon. His day was empty without being able to look after Vince. The day had been a waste, they hadn't even got a whole chapter into the book. Instead all he could do was read the rest back to himself, avoiding the first few pages. When he ran out of writing to stare at he watched Vince sleep, for hours and hours until he himself fell asleep.

_I guess it was never meant to be  
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is  
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep  
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream._

* * *

**Reviews are love & enjoy. V xxxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning:** Angst, sex refs, sexual advances, swear words, actual slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Baby La Boosh belongs to it's parents Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.  
**Author's Comments:** Loosely based on The Notebook. Lyrics belong to The Cure.  


* * *

_7 Months 1 Week Previously_

Howard looked up from his book in time to see Vince breeze out of their bedroom, because walk wouldn't quite cover his air of confidence and happiness, glammed up and gorgeous as ever.

"I'm going out, wanna come?" He always asked Howard along when he went out but seldom got the answer he wanted. Every time he asked he was hoping for Howard to say yes and that they'd go out somewhere more quiet and more cosy. If they did that he could say to his friends that he had plans with his boyfriend and they'd all give him that look and accuse him of being tamed, he'd scowl and tell them they were wrong but inside he was loving it. Saying he didn't feel like it and being accused of being tame didn't have quite the same effect though. So when Howard said no he'd go on his own.

"Nah, enjoy yourself though" Howard went back to his book, trying his best not to watch Vince prancing about adding finishing touches to his face and outfit.

"Aww, come on Howard. It's been ages since I've been out, my friends are starting to miss…us."

"No, they miss you. Which is even more reason to go on your own because then you might actually end up meeting up with your friends."

"Do I have to go out on my own?"

"They'll start talking if you don't go out soon, they'll be rumours that I've got you knocked up and sent you to a nunnery" Howard kept his eyes down and his face neutral, waiting for Vince to take the bait.

"Nah, we're dead care…what am I talking about, I'm not a girl" Vince rolled his eyes at himself, it wasn't the first time he'd fallen for jokes like that and the grin that was struggling to stay off Howard's face practically screamed hook, line and sinker for him. "You gotta stop doing that"

"I will when you stop acting like such a girl" The grin broke free and Howard laughed, Vince's mock anger fuelling the fire.

"I'll remind you of that next time you wanna top" Vince raised his eyebrow, daring a comeback.

"Vince! Not so loud"

"Oh come on, they're probably stoned and even if they aren't the walls are _that_ thin, they're more likely to hear the actual event rather than us talking about it. I'd actually be surprised if Camden High Street can't hear us, amount of noise I make…all your fault"

"You're shameless, you are"

"Oh yeah!" Vince winked and finished applying one last coat of eyeliner, still looking a Howard in the mirror. Howard wasn't entirely sure he liked the look, it normally meant trouble.

Sure enough as soon as the eyeliner was on Vince turned on his heel and walked towards where Howard was sat, snatched the book out of his hand and dropped it on the floor before climbing onto his lap, pinning him in place with this thighs.

"That's cheating" Howard said resisting the urge to run his hands up Vince's thighs, this is how most battles of will got resolved, which meant Vince normally won.

"Admit I'm not a girl" Vince said, voiced low but not with anger.

"Prove it" Howard let his hands do what they wanted, trailing them over Vince's legs until they came to rest on his arse. Vince surged forward suddenly, not to escape his touch but to push his crotch into Howard's, making the fact he was hard and eager behind his tight denim confines as obvious as possible.

"That proof enough for you?" Vince wriggled in Howard's lap, shuddering slightly at the friction but still managing to keep his game face in place.

"It's a point in your favour, what else can you do?" Howard grabbed Vince's hips, keeping him in place.

"Well, isn't that just the right question to ask. You'll have to wait and see" Vince pried Howard's hands off him and jumped up, leaving Howard staring at the space he'd left in disbelief.

"You tease!" Howard yelled at Vince's retreating back.

"Your point?" Vince put on a coy smile.

"Are you really going out like that?" That stopped Vince in his tracks.

"What do you mean? I always go out like this"

"No I mean like _that_." Howard gestured non-specifically at the middle of Vince.

"Ooooh right, with ya now. Erm, yeah. My coat's quite long, it's not a short walk, I'll survive" Vince turned, picked up a floor length coat off the coat rack and headed down the stairs.

-x-

Howard woke about five hours before Vince would, sedation will do that to you. That gave him time to get changed, work out his options, bake pink cupcakes and alphabetize the flat's DVD, CD and cook book collection,. Lunchtime came and went yet Howard still couldn't bring himself to make any food for himself because he was too worried about Vince. Would his mind be able to take another half finished day.

He'd checked in on Vince a grand total of 48 times before giving up trying to distract himself and taking up his post in his room.

Vince had only been talking to him an hour yesterday and yet that had been the strongest he'd ever reacted to Howard without fully remembering, without any consequences. Was that a good sign? But then Naboo had said nobody has ever survived this sort of thing this long so maybe it wasn't such a good thing. He'd never had the chance to question Naboo about what he'd said now that his temper was under control because he wasn't anywhere to be found. It would be just like him to be off his face somewhere while Howard really needed him.

It was nearer dinner time by the time Vince finally awoke.

"Y'alright?" Vince slurred not quite awake yet. Howard was at a loss to what say, he was so used to panic and fear that he didn't have a fall back answer.

"Erm, yeah…you?"

"Mmmm" Vince rubbed his eyes and Howard was almost sure this was when the panic would set in…but it didn't. "I knew you'd come back. I said to them, they ain't touching me without you there"

"Well, you won't have to go there again" Howard avoided directly addressing the fact that he hadn't actually saved Vince from the big bad tests, that he'd in fact been knocked out. He didn't really want to address the issue that he shouldn't be able to remember any of that either, just in case saying it made it true but he had to make sure. "So you remember then?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I" Vince smiled that oh-so-bright smile of his, the one that made Howard feel like he was the most important thing in the universe because such sunshine was directed at him. He fought back the bitterness that almost said 'because you never normally do' and smiled back.

"Are you gonna finish telling me bout Howard and Vince then? You promised you would. I was thinking about them all the way in the car y'know and I reckon I dreamed about them too. It was a nice dream"

"We haven't got time for the whole book, little man"

"What did you call me?"

"What…oh, nothing" Howard mentally cursed himself, he'd not meant to let that little term of endearment slip out, his being so sweet had brought it out.

"It sounded familiar, like I've heard it before"

"No need to worry about that, I'm sure it's nothing"

"I like it" Vince gave the tiniest of smiles, almost like he was subtly trying to flirt or reassure him. With the Vince he'd known, it could have gone either way.

Howard had to swallow and then cough to keep himself from biting his lip and closing his eyes or breaking down entirely. Part of him hated the little signs that the Vince he loved, and that loved him, was still in there somewhere, trapped under all the confusion and barriers of consciousness. It was like going back in time and talking to him before they'd met, still knowing everything that would happen but not being able to say a word about it.

"Ummm, anyway, is there any particular bit of the story you'd like before dinner?"

"Oooh, I'm hungry actually. Can you do food now and then we won't have to interrupt the story"

Howard wanted to say no, he hadn't had enough time with him yet, he didn't want to be alone even for the 5 minutes that enchanted food took to cook. It was normal everyday food that Vince liked, with extra magical ingredients to help Vince's memory mixed in. Naboo had also made them quicker too cook so that Howard didn't have to leave Vince for too long on his own.

He didn't say no of course, he nodded and went out into the kitchen, chucked a spag bol in the oven and set a timer. Then he leant back on the counter with nothing but silence to distract him from his memories.

-x-

_7 Months 1 Week Previously_

Vince had only been gone an hour and a half before Howard heard the door go and the sound of heels. Maybe Vince was a slave to his lusts and not to his 'King of Camden' reputation after all. Howard had witty remark ready and waiting for when Vince came into view but as soon as he saw him his whole throat forgot how to work. His hair was a mess, one of his eyes were pink (which would probably turn into a black eye if left long enough) and his lip was bleeding. Howard couldn't see any other damage because Vince had his coat so tightly wrapped around himself.

"What happ…"

"Don't…I deserve…only fair" Was all Howard caught before Vince broke down to his knees on the floor and started crying. Howard rushed to him, sitting down next to him on the floor, cradling him as best he could.

-x-

The ding of the timer made Howard jump though he was thankful to have something to do rather than just stand there. He took Vince's dinner out of the oven and put it on the tray, rushing slightly. He'd rather go back to Vince and relive the happy memories from the book than the dreadful ones in his head.

"Spag bol, hope you like it" He said as he settled the tray on Vince's lap.

"Mmmm, thanks"

"Do you want me to read while you eat"

"Please" Vince said around a mouthful of food that was clearly too hot. "Tell me about when they fell in love…I mean for real, when they told each other"

Howard nodded and found the page, half of it taken up by a crayon drawing of two men on a rooftop.

"It all started at a birthday party that never would have happened if it weren't for Vince. In his convincing Howard that his birthday was worth a party he made their dream possible. After several trying events, Vince had to flee their rooftop for safety. Upon that rooftop he found Howard wallowing in self pity. Vince didn't know it but purely seeing his face made Howard hate his life a little bit less.

Anyways, Vince was in a tight spot, basically he'd been caught with the wife of a angry man with a sword. Not a good place to be even if you were innocent of the things that you were being accused of. It was another one of those life or death situations that they used to get themselves in. Only they hadn't reached such a hopeless point in a long time, with no way out Vince thought it was over for him and he remembered his promise from years before. He realised he might never again get the chance to tell Howard how he really felt and that was something he had to do after the rocky patch their friendship had gone through. He told him and when that didn't work he kissed him. He didn't think he'd have to explain his actions due to the fact that he was about to get his head chopped off. A rather romantic way to die, he thought. However once again things didn't go quite to plan and after he realised he wasn't going to die, Vince panicked. He cared too much about the rejection that he was sure he was going to get sooner or later and beat Howard to it. He pushed back the love that Howard offered him because he thought that Howard would come to his senses after the shock that somebody in the world loved him. Then a woman came along, proving Vince's theory and snapping his last straw. He didn't want her having what he thought he couldn't ever have. So he kicked up a fuss and this time Howard was the one who rejected him, he was confused as to what had come over Vince to change his mind and didn't trust him not to change his mind again.

When Vince realised that he was well and truly rejected he brushed it off but in the next few weeks the gap between them grew wider than it ever had. They became so distant that not even Howard leaving made Vince speak out. Even when he returned, he didn't say a word. Vince thought that Howard didn't love him and Howard was so confused by Vince's mood swings and bitchyness that he wasn't sure Vince even liked him anymore.

They lived weeks like this, not daring to confront each other about what had happened, conversation was strained and both had given up on trying to salvage their friendship. Both of them talked to other people about their problem but not each other. They were both going through the same heartbreak without realising the other was feeling exactly the same. One night Vince felt so trapped by his feelings and thought it's be a good idea to go up on the roof, get some air.

When he got up there however he wasn't alone. Howard had the same idea."

-x-

_1 Year 4 Months Previously_

"Sorry, didn't know you were up here. I'll go" Vince was halfway back down the ladder when Howard offered him a hand back up.

"Stay. Maybe the air will do us good" Howard sighed, as if he thought it was a bad idea as soon as he'd suggested it. Vince ignored it and took the hand. A glimmer of hope that they could sort things out between them was enough for him.

"What d'ya mean?" He asked even though he knew full well what he meant. He wanted Howard to talk, to open up to him so that he could do the same.

"Well, thing haven't exactly been brilliant between us lately" Howard didn't make eye contact with Vince, but he hadn't done that for weeks.

"I know what you mean"

"Hmmm" Howard's face and body language began to close down and Vince knew that if Howard was left to it then that would be the end of their little talk.

"I'm sorry, y'know"

"For what?"

"For messing us up"

"Who says it was you"

"I know it was. Things would never be this bad if I'd left well alone" Vince watched Howard's brow crease in confusion. He still didn't get Vince's ulterior motive for their last trip to the rooftop.

"Left what alone?"

"Us. The way we are. Or were. We were friends, I should have been happy with that."

"Why weren't you then?"

"Because that's what I'm like, if I think I could have more I try and grab it. I always want what I can't have and Vince Noir always gets what he wants and other sayings like that. I thought there was more that I could have and I fucking wanted it. So badly that I didn't think it through"

"Who says there was more"

"My stupid brain cell. It was all too much for him to handle. It still is really. That's why I'm here. I can't breath down there, it's like I'm trapped in my own head and right now that's not a fun place to be."

"I don't understand. More how?"

"More us. More than what we are now"

"What's with all the riddles? Am I meant to work this out myself?"

"I'm trying, alright? I don't even understand myself so fuck off thinking that I'm playing games cuz I'm not."

"Well, that would be more like you than all this serious talk"

"Fuck you then. I'm trying here and you're giving me fuck all help. I don't have to sit here pouring my heart out to you. I should have fucking stayed inside." Vince made it across the roof and had one foot on the ladder before Howard spoke.

"Do you mean more than friends?"

Vince froze, not sure whether to keep going down or to stay. He stayed. He got back on the roof and looked at his shoes. "More than friends" He nodded.

"Fucking hell Vince! That's what this has been about."

Vince nodded again, stunned into silence, he hadn't expected anger. His throat tightened with the promise of tears but he didn't cry, he just nodded and waited.

"Then why push me away when I told you I loved you! You hurt me more than you ever had before, even that time when you laughed, because this time you'd given me hope. You said you loved me, you kissed me and then you pushed me away and you've been doing the same ever since. Why!"

"I didn't know. I didn't know!" Vince was crying now, he'd made everything worse and he was being told everything was all his fault.

"I told you, how could you not know!" Howard finally gave him eye contact and Vince knew everything he'd said was true. In that glance he could tell that Howard had been walking the same emotionally wrenching road that Vince was on and he'd put them on it by not trusting Howard to really love him. Sat there being shouted at didn't convince him of that last fact, that Howard really would love him.

"I thought…I thought you'd change your mind…when you realised it was only me…only me and that I wasn't good enough for you and then I'd be heartbroken all over again and I'd loose you more than ever."

"Vince, how could you be so stupid!"

"Can you blame me, look at you now. If this is what it's like I'd rather have not known."

Howard took a deep breath, trying to swallow his anger.

"I'm sorry, I'm just angry that you've kept this to yourself and we've both been miserable for nothing. Weeks we could have been together instead of ignoring each other."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't think you'd ever…" Vince couldn't force the words 'love me' out of his mouth because he feared that Howard would turn around and say he didn't. Howard got the point anyway.

"I always have. But who'd love a stupid jazzy virgin freak?"

"I do" Vince whispered, as if the words would do damage if they were any louder. Howard heard them though and his face softened, last of his anger drained away.

"You do?"

"I do"

"Well that's something I guess" Howard smiled and Vince knew all he needed to. Howard loved him and he meant it. He closed the distance between where they were sat, so that his knees and thighs were pressed against Howard's.

"If I ask for a hug, will you say don't touch me?"

"Never"

Vince cuddled up against Howard, enjoying the strong feel of the arms holding him. When he had the confidence he leant up to kiss Howard's neck, the only part of him he could reach without moving. Howard kissed the top of Vince's head and they knew then they were truly together, in a nothing will tear us apart ever again kind of way.

_Floating here like this with you  
Underneath the stars  
Alight for 13 billion years  
The view is beautiful  
And ours alone tonight  
Underneath the stars_

Spinning round and round with you  
Watching shadows melt the light  
Soft shining from our eyes  
Into another spaceIs ours alone tonight  
Watching shadows melt

Whisper in my ear a wish  
"We could drift away"  
Held tight  
Your voice inside my head  
The kiss is infinite  
And ours alone tonight  
"We could drift away"

And everything gone  
And all still to come  
As nothing to us  
Together as one  
In each others arms  
So near and so far  
Forever as now  
Underneath the stars.

-x-

"Oh God" Vince said it so quietly that Howard wouldn't have heard it if he didn't stop for breath.

"What? What's wrong?" Howard dropped the book because of the look on Vince's face, so lost and yet some spark that hadn't been there before had appeared in his eyes, hard to tell because they were brimming with tears.

"I remember."

-x-

_7 Months 1 Week Previously_

"Shhh, it's alright, it's alright" Howard didn't know for sure what had happened but he could guess. The word had got out he'd confessed and not everybody believed the self defence plea. People were like that, especially women, when it came to another woman being in the wrong. If a woman had pleaded self defence they'd all be proud of her standing up to a violent man but it didn't work the other way round. People just preferred to believe women were delicate things that needed protecting by the big strong men. If anyone could see Vince now, it'd be fairly obvious that he was the delicate one, not her.

"Not alright. They all think I'm a monster too. Group of blokes cornered us coming out of club, said I didn't deserve to live after what I'd done. They started on the whole group, it's only cuz them I got away really. I shouldn'ta got them involved in this shit. It ain't their fault, s'mine" Vince babbled into Howard's shoulder, letting Howard rock him back and forth.

"Hey little man, it was a group of thugs, they've done worse than you ever will, I'll bet"

"It weren't just them though, got kicked out of four clubs when they found out who I was. Even my friends wouldn't look me in the eye. They all hate me, they're just to scared to say anything. I couldn't bear it, all the people whispering behind my back, some not even bothering to whisper. I hate it Howard. I ain't going out ever again"

"Don't say that, you'll bounce back. It'll all blow over when something else happens, like everything else does."

"Like everything in my life you mean. All those people, all the so called friends, everyone apart from you, I don't wanna know anymore Howard. You're the only person who isn't treating me like something horrendous. I don't want it anymore. I don't want anything, except you and me and this flat. everything else just hurts. They won't forget, people never forget stuff like this. I wish I could. Just forget it."

Howard didn't say anything out loud but inside his head alarm bells were ringing, the one's that said 'wake up, Howard, there is something you can do for him'. He stayed silent though, just rocking Vince back and forth until he'd cried himself to sleep against Howard.

There was something he could do.

Maybe not himself, but Naboo could do it for him.

Naboo could make this all go away.

Naboo could make him forget.

* * *

Reviews are love, V xxx


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning:** Angst, sex refs, swear words.  
**Disclaimer:** Baby La Boosh belongs to it's parents Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.  
**Author's Comments:** Loosely based on The Notebook.

* * *

_7 Months 1 Week Previously_

As soon as he'd carried Vince to their bed, Howard ran straight to Naboo's room. He had to fix this. He had to fix Vince. He couldn't let him hate himself like this.

"Naboo, Naboo!" Howard yelled as he barged through the door.

"No yell, bring down atmosphere" Bollo said as Naboo blew smoke in Howard's direction, making him cough violently.

"I need a favour"

"It 'ad better be a noble cause or I'm not even gonna listen" Naboo's lisp was twice as thick as normal but Howard got the gist of it.

"It is noble. I need you to make Vince forget what's upsetting him"

"Tell 'im he can have…three tokes but that's it"

"No! I didn't mean like that. I mean magically, make him happy again"

"Why? Can't you do it? Give him a good ol' fucking and he'll be right as rain" Naboo's far away smile widened along with Howard's eyes. Naboo normally skirted round the fact him and Vince slept together, something about his mental health bill being enough already.

"Just how stoned are you?" Howard took the hookah out of Naboo's lap and put it on the other side of the room, Naboo merely laughed, Bollo answered for him.

"Tiny Shaman in ninth circle of paradise"

"Ermm, I think you've got you're geography mixed up a bit there, Bollo." He turned back to Naboo. "Can't you just do a spell or make a potion? Y'know before you start to think I'm a tabby cat from Hell or something like that"

Naboo looked like he was considering it, then rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Bollo, get the black book"

"Ah, Naboo look to comedy genius of Dylan Moran to cheer precious Vince up"

"No, you ball bag! Get the black spell book!"

"Oh right, spell book"

Naboo turned back to Howard. "I'll need some of his hair"

"Why?"

"Are you a shaman?"

"No"

"Then get the hair and I'll work the magic…Oh and Howard…miaow tabby cat" Howard glared at him and left as Bollo handed him the book. "Oooh glowy"

"I got a bad feeling bout this" Bollo said to himself because Naboo was having a fight with the pentagram on the front cover of the spell book.

-x-

_6 Months Previously_

It had started gradually, he'd forget where his keys are, that he'd already bought milk, that he had appointments, things we all do. Howard noticed these things but ignored them, Vince was happy and that was the important thing. Then he started asking Howard more pointless questions, things that he'd asked before. That was one thing about Vince, he night not know much but what he did know stayed with him. Then he started forgetting names and would start making a cup of tea and leave it half finished. The day it took him ten minutes to remember Howard's name was the day Naboo took him shopping, he bought a notebook and spent the day writing in it. He gave it to Howard without looking him in the eye and told him not to read it until the time was right, he'd know when the time was right. A week later Vince woke up and didn't know where he was or who he was, Howard read the book to himself and cried for hours, locked in the bathroom, refusing to talk to anyone because the one person he wanted to talk to was gone, in mind if not body.

He confronted Naboo about what was written in the book and Naboo confirmed the worst. He told Howard that the spell had grown, taking away everything, making him forget and it would only get worse as time went on, nothing he or Howard could do. Vince would forget, Vince would be nothing but a shell that could walk and talk. Almost a separate person, the same as the old Vince with the important parts missing.

At first Howard read him the book because Vince had asked him too, he'd been so brave because he'd known what was happening to him and it was the least Howard could do, but he didn't enjoy it.

Over time though the small flickers of personality were enough to make him keep reading. The occasional lapse into memory, the moments where his Vince returned, made him never want to leave the bedside for one second. Those moments were rare but they happened, small miracles.

-x-

"What do you remember?" Howard rushed to the side of the bed. This had happened seventeen times in the last six months and the amount he remembered always varied, sometimes he could recall every little detail but other times the stories just seemed strongly familiar to him and he'd put two and two together.

"Everything. All the stuff you've read out, I remember it, I remember writing it. I remember stuff you ain't even got to yet. Why am I remembering it now, I should know all this stuff" A look of pure panic passed through Vince's eyes. "Howard, why didn't I remember you?"

"Hey, it's alright now, it's all ok" Howard stroked Vince's hair and tried to ignore that his breathing was getting more rushed.

"Howard, what's wrong with me?"

"Don't think about it love, it'll only make it worse."

"What's that mean? How can I get worse? I loved you, love you still, more than anything else in my life and you've been sat there since I woke up and all I thought was he looks mildly like someone I thought I knew. How the hell could I have forgotten you!" Vince was struggling to stand up now, his panic reflex was to pace, but Howard held him down, one hand rubbing his back and the other holding his cheek.

"Listen, Vince, you've got to calm down. You're not helping yourself by getting all worked up, it's too much for your brain to take. Just trust me and lie back down."

Vince looked genuinely terrified and he complied with a swallow and a small nod.

"Can you lie with me?" Tears welled up again in his bright eyes.

"Of course I can, little man" Howard's voice sounded thin and empty, every time this happened it hurt him more, knowing that it wouldn't last.

Even knowing that, Howard still climbed up onto the bed they used to share and tucked himself into Vince's side, this time it was Vince's hand that reached to hair, smoothing the smoke thin brown curls a little neater. Vince rested his chin on Howard's head and slid his arm under his shoulders so that he could cuddle them up together. Normally it would have been Vince that would snuggle into Howard's chest but not right now, right now Howard wanted to cling to as much as Vince as he could in the short time he undoubtedly had.

"Do you still love me?" Vince's voice was thick with tears now, and Howard had too look up into his eyes.

"Of course I do" He leaned up and kissed Vince gently, fearing too strong a touch would tip the delicate balance in his mind.

"I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. I would understand. I can't be that good a boyfriend now that I don't know you from Adam…what happened to Adam after you came back?"

"Naboo fired him. That's not the point though Vince, it's more than you being a good boyfriend, I love you more than that. I'm never gonna leave you."

"But what if I don't get better?"

"Then I'd stay here forever and ever. But you _are_ gonna get better and then we're gonna go to Paris like we planned, so that I can look at all the paintings and you can buy a beret. Then we're gonna go to Mexico, so that I can look at the Aztecs and you can buy and new poncho-sombrero combo. Just like we planned" The list of places was longer but Howard stopped talking so that Vince wouldn't hear the break in his voice as he imagined himself and Vince invading all the countries of the world so Howard could take in his history and Vince could take out half the shopping facilities and their stock.

"I won't though, will I? You should go, while you're still young, don't need me holding you back" Vince didn't bother to cover the strain in his voice, he just kept talking over his tears. "I can tell I ain't getting better, I can see into my mind, it's all mixed up and broken. I don't think anything can ever fix this. Even trying makes my head hurt."

"Don't try then!" Howard sat up suddenly, he knew what was happening.

"I can't help it, it's almost as if it's doing it by itself, like breathing. Oh God, Howard, it hurts so much. It's like my brain is too big for my skull"

"Stop it, Vince, you're hurting yourself!" Howard grabbed hold on Vince's arms and made him sit up and face him. "Listen, Vince, stop trying to fix things"

"I can't! Howard, make it stop!" Howard winced at the amount of pain in Vince's eyes. He knew he was loosing him and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"I can't, sweetheart. I know it hurts but listen to me. I love you, I'll never stop loving you, no matter what happens, as long as there's even the tiniest bit of you in there I'll love you forever." Howard let out a shaking breath and let his own tears join Vince's.

"I'll love you too, with that tiniest bit that's still me. No matter how much it hurts, it's worth it to tell you that" Vince pressed himself against Howard in a desperate and messy kiss, wet from where their tears mingled.

"What happens now?" Vince asked, keeping his forehead against Howard's.

"You forget" Howard whispered as if more volume would make it more true.

"No! I'll never forget! I'll never forget! I'll never forget! I'll never forget!" Vince kept repeating it, rocking them back and forth until the tears stopped and he froze.

"Who are you? Get off me! Get off. Help!"

Howard couldn't say anything while Vince cried for help, ducking the pillows that are being thrown at him while he forces himself to take a syringe from the cabinet across the room. He stays silent while Vince starts screaming as the needle gets closer and goes into his arm, leaving him unconscious and silent as well. Howard can't break the silence because he can't barely breath, choking on the tears and the screams he himself is holding back, drowning in the horror and sorrow of it all. But tomorrow he'll do it again, for the chance of those few minutes where Vince will hold him like he used to.


	6. Chapter 6

Last Chapter!

**Warning:** Angst(!!!!), swear words. Don't read if you're affected by angst, because I seriously warn you, it's heavy.  
**Disclaimer:** Baby La Boosh belongs to it's parents Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.  
**Author's Comments:** Loosely based on The Notebook (spot the extracted quote in this one). Lyrics belong to Within Temptaion and Death Cab For Cutie. **Get tissues. Seriously.**

* * *

_In this world you tried, not leaving me alone behind.  
There's no other way, I pray to the gods let him stay.  
The memories ease the pain inside and now I know why._

All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments, imaging you here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
In silent whispers, silent tears.

Made me promise I'd try, to find my way back in this life.  
Hope there is a way, to give me a sign you're okay.  
Reminds me again it's worth it all, so I can go home.

All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments, imaging you here.  
All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent whispers, silent tears.

Together in all these memories, I see your smile.  
All of the memories I hold dear.  
Darling you know I'll love you, til the end of time.

All of my memories keep you near  
In silent moments, imaging you here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
In silent whispers, silent tears.

-x-

At first when he doesn't wake up, Howard just thinks he'd over done it with the sedative the night before. But then hours pass, sunlight fades and Naboo refuses to look at him in the short moments they spend together, before one or the other decides the tension is too thick. Howard can tell there's something that Naboo's not telling him, he hasn't even called him a ballbag in the last 2 days. Howard himself hasn't got a clue what's been going on since Naboo, Bollo and Vince's return from the last shaman meeting. Normally Howard gets filled in on everything he's missed, being neither a shaman or affected by magic he's not allowed to attend.

There's nothing he can do for now but sit by Vince's bedside and hold his hand, hoping for some sign of life other than sleep. Eventually Naboo leaves, dragging Bollo with him. Howard heard a muffled argument as they went down the stairs but all he could make out was Bollo saying "Now that precious Vince no wake up, why can't Bollo sit at bed?".

-x-

They're gone two and a half days. Two and half days in which Howard resolves to find out what the hell is going on. However when he confronts them in the hallway, trying to push several bits of medical technology, all thoughts are driven from his head by sheer panic.

"What the hell is that?" Howard asks even though he knows enough from curling up on the sofa with Vince throughout his Scrubs obsession.

"Howard, don't" Naboo says as he tries to get past him, Howard stays put where he is, towering over the tiny shaman.

"Naboo" He says warningly, letting him know that he isn't going to let it drop. "What's going on?"

"It's Vince, he's getting worse much quicker than I thought he would"

"Yeah, I can see that. But where were you? You just buggered off not telling me anything, when you should be helping him!" Howard could stop his voice raising, his own frustration at not being able to help Vince boiling in his mind.

"I was helping him, you ballbag. I was doing a lot more for him that you were weeping at his bedside." Naboo took a deep breath, this was the first time Howard had seen any strong emotion from him, aside from turning his back on you, Naboo had a habit of remaining indifferent to his friends. "I went to the council, didn't I, see if they could help."

"What did they say?" Howard had a feeling he wasn't going to like the answer from the look in Naboo's eyes. A scared look.

"That he'll keep forgetting, his brain is losing more and more. Eventually he'll forget crucial things, like breathing and stuff. That's what this is for" Naboo kicked one of the grey monitors at his feet. "It's a respirator."

"I know what it is! And don't fucking kick it, that's not going help is it!" Howard tried to breath but all his panicked thoughts had been confirmed, all the stuff that went through his head when he was too hurt to tell himself he was being stupid were true. He was loosing Vince.

"How long?"

"How long is a piece of string?" Naboo shrugged.

"Don't compare his life to a fucking piece of string!"

"Sorry, would you rather I said I don't know, could be minutes, could be days, could be years. It depends how strong he is"

Howard fought to keep from either hitting Naboo, call him a liar and tell him to make it all better or breaking down and crying. Neither was a good idea but he couldn't think of any other way to get through this. Either denial or acceptance, accept it was all over, all the days of hoping to find a miracle cure amongst Naboo's potions or hoping that sheer love would bring him back, all gone and there was nothing he cold do. Or fight that and make things worse by shutting out the only person who knew what to do. He considered just chucking himself off the roof but he knew he wouldn't do it, he couldn't leave Vince alone even now. So he ran, locked the door of the bathroom, sat on the floor and let himself cry, mind lost in memories of when he and Vince had been happy.

He'd lost the concept of time, no watch and no feeling. He could have been in there five minutes and it would have felt like months. Naboo was knocking softly on the door but he couldn't find his voice even to tell him to leave him alone. That's all he felt now, alone and numb. Naboo gave up knocking and spoke through the door, words stabbing at Howard's mind.

"I've set it up. It might be better if you don't see him. There's nothing you can do now. You'd just be hurting yourself."

Howard nearly laughed at the irony of it, how could he possibly hurt more? He stayed on the bathroom floor, not because he knew it was better him but because he was too scared to do anything else.

-x-

It had been a week. A really bad week in which the medical equipment had become necessary and Howard's breakdowns had become more frequent. He hadn't spent all of the week in the bathroom, obviously, but near enough. He glanced at the closed door of Vince's room and looked away. He was still too scared. He didn't know why, it would still be his Vince. Maybe seeing it would make it even more real, maybe he was still denying it a little.

Instead he went to Naboo's room. Naboo was on his bed flicking through spell books. Even though he was a shaman, that was a rare sight Howard felt bad for yelling at him so much, he really was trying.

"Any luck?"

Naboo shook his head.

"Can I help?"

"You can" Naboo nodded over to a pile of books at the end of the bed.

"Will any of those _really_ help?" Howard scanned a few titles, _The A-Z of Oranges, Fun Facts About Unicorn_s and_ Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by JK Rowling_. Howard doubted they would find anything of use in any of those books, especially the last one.

"Gotta try, otherwise…" Naboo let the end of that though drift into silence, knowing that hearing the words would upset Howard even more.

"Will he really die?" Howard said so quietly Naboo actually looked up at him.

"I don't know. The tech stuff is only doing so much but in the end it won't really be him anymore, if he can't breathe on his own then it's not really hopeful"

"I can't do this. I can't keep watching him get worse." Howard looked down, not being able to meet Naboo's eyes knowing that he was being a coward.

"I understand. Do you want me to stop?"

"What do you mean?"

"I could…" Naboo looked down, trying to pick words that would make him sound less insensitive. "I could make it sooner rather than later"

"No, I can't ask you to do that, the council would execute you. You're already in trouble for this in the first place when it's my fault really. I'll just have to cope or think of something that will help. It won't have to come to that."

Howard walked out and sat down on the sofa, head in his hands, mind retracing the suggestion Naboo had put forward. Could he live without Vince? Would he want to? Could he watch Vince slowly be pulled away from him? No, to all three. He'd lied through his teeth to Naboo, he wouldn't be able to cope and he knew they weren't gonna stumble upon some spell that would help them, because if they were, it would have happened by now.

Howard thought if this was to be the end, then it wasn't so bad. He wasn't leaving much behind, he had no adoring fans like Vince used to have and for once he was glad he hadn't been the writer/explorer/photographer that he used to want to be. He was just a common man, with common thoughts and he'd led a common life. There'd be no monuments dedicated to him and his name would soon be forgotten but he'd loved another with all his heart and soul, and to him that would always be enough. And without that person, without his heart and soul, what was left?

He picked up the notebook, practically his whole entire life was in those pages because his life had been with Vince. It should have been a hard decision, one he' have to think about for days but he was surprised by how quickly he made up his mind. Without Vince there was no point..

He flicked to the first few pages and allowed himself to read the words he usually skipped.

_To my Howard,_

_Naboo told me what happened and I want you to know I don't blame you, not at all. You were doing what you thought was best and your heart was, as it always has been, in the right place. But that don't stop it happening. This is so hard to write because there's so much I want to say but not enough room for it all, besides I can't spell all of the big words. He told me I'm gonna forget you and there's nothing I can do about it, but I know my head better than he does and you know me, if you tell me something enough, it eventually sinks in. So if you want, you can try and that's what this is for. I've written, well I'm gonna write, you this book and it's gonna be everything I want to remember, all the stuff I would have never forgotten if I had the choice. Hopefully my love for you is stronger than any cocked up spell of Naboo's. If it isn't then I'm sorry and I want you to know I would have loved you forever, for the rest of my life and I really hate that we can't have that now but there's nothing we can do so I'll just be happy for the time we did have together, because it was genius. I'll never regret anything, except maybe that we didn't tell each other how we felt sooner. But then those years weren't really wasted because we still loved each other just in a different, more platonic way. I wouldn't have given that up for the world either. You'll always be my best friend, the love of my life, my soul mate._

_Your Vince x x x x_

On the next page was a drawing Vince had done of them together in bed, nothing explicit, just them asleep in each others arms. Howard put the book down, decision made, that's how it would end, just like that.

-x-

Howard waited until the next evening when Naboo went out before he put his plan into action. He was surprisingly removed from it all until he opened the door to Vince's room and saw him. He always thought people were exaggerating when they said how small people looked in hospital beds but seeing Vince attached to all those machines, he knew it was true and Vince had been small to begin with.

He closed his eyes as he took the main tube out, Vince gasped but didn't stir. He kept breathing shallowly, something Howard hadn't been sure he'd do. He didn't know how long it would last though. As soon as Vince was cleared of tubes he took three syringes full of the magical sedative out of the cabinet draw. He'd never been a hundred percent sure on their dosages but he was sure it'd be enough. He pressed play on the cd player that was on top of the same cabinet. A soft song, set to repeat, filled the silent air, an explanation to Naboo that would be easier and better than any note.

_Love of mine some day you will die  
But I'll be close behind  
I'll follow you into the dark_

Howard pulled the sheets back from Vince and climbed in next to him, tearing up for a second when Vince automatically clung to him.

_No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white  
Just our hands clasped so tight  
Waiting for the hint of a spark  
If Heaven and Hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs  
If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark_

Howard closed his eyes, listening to the sound of his deep breaths contrasting Vince's shallow ones.

_In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule  
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black  
And I held my tongue as she told me  
"Son, fear is the heart of love"  
So I never went back  
If Heaven and Hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs  
If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark_

He chucked each used needle on the floor as soon as it was empty. He could feel his heart slow to match Vince's fading heartbeat. His life didn't flash before his eyes like they say it does, it played slowly in sepia, just a select few important memories of him and Vince together.

_You and me have seen everything to see  
From Bangkok to Calgary  
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down  
The time for sleep is now  
It's nothing to cry about  
'cause we'll hold each other soon  
In the blackest of rooms_

He felt Vince's faint heartbeat stop and heard the shallow breathing go away, tears streaked down from his closed eyes as he willed his to follow suit.

_If Heaven and Hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs  
If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark  
Then I'll follow you into the dark_

He hadn't felt the tears stop or heard the song end because it wasn't there anymore.

It was just him and Vince now and it always would be.


End file.
